In search of ME...........

Inspite of being surrounded by all my friends, spending lots of time with them, talking with them for hours together...i feel something's missing...its been more than a month nw...there's something..don't know wht...that's making me sad, very sad...I'm smiling, cracking jokes, having a wonderful time but deep inside me there's a certain void...a vacuum...each smile seems pretentious...I fail to understand whats gone wrong...exteriorly everything is so very perfect...but underneath it all...i don't know...I really don't know..I've never been so vague about myself...but this time its like i've no idea...I need to get myself back...the real me seems lost...totally, completely lost!! :( :(

On special demand...

This is for u, Richa...tried to express ur feelings... :)
it might not be perfect but then i'd promised you na!!
so here goes...


The night wasn't dark
for the stars twinkled bright
The heavens showered their love
as u walked into my life

Its no longer a solitary me
"We" it is all the while
With you by my side,I believe
I can always walk that extra mile

Even as I think abt ur anger
and those times I'd felt bad
My mind tends to lead me away
far away from all that was sad

The days when you won't be here
are something i wouldn't like to measure
Its just our lovely memories
that I now wish to treasure

Each moment's been full of love
every day filled with comfort n care
Whatever I do, whichever way I go
I know you'll be there...each and everywhere!!!

The twelve hours!!!

'Goodbye'...this single word shall ring in my ears forever.
what followed this single word were plenty of tears, endless calling on a no. that continued to stay switched off and a sleepless night!!!

i guess i love learning my lessons the hard way...i don't know why i behave as if i'm the biggest duffer on this planet??(which i actually am, no proof needed.period)

Well, this single word did teach me a lot and thanx to it i hope i'll improve and not change[using your point, buddy] (*winks*)

everything was back to normal(i still don't understnd wht is normal) within 12 hrs without any hint of anger though i could sense your disappointment, rockstar (*sighs*)
I'm gonna work on my faults n i promise no one shall have any complaints!!!
(*few more tears interspersed with a single smile*)

Two big zeroes after no. thirteen :) ;) :P

Well, this is one more of my "thank you a lot" posts!! :)
I'd like to mention here few of my friends who've encouraged me immensely over the past 6 months or so...!! :)
Richa - who handled evrything in college perfectly in my absence..took over a huge load off my shoulders..HATS OFF TO U SWEETIE!!

Snehal - my partner in crime(not literally ha..)got to know u better over these days, hope we'll head off together..'TWAS FUN BEING WITH U!!

Devesh - I bugged u all the time with my silly doubts n u solved them effortlessly, taking out time from ur busy schedule, not even once did u say no to me..YOU ARE GREAT, ROCKSTAR!!

Ravi - one person who reminded me to work hard each day n made me realise that I cud do really well..YOUR WORDS HELPED A LOT BUDDY!!

Nitesh - you taught me to stay cool n calm...THAT HELPED ON THE FINAL DAY!!

Parag - those links u'd sent were damn good..THANX A TON, DOC!!

Shreya(she always said i cud manage sumthing decent enuf), Amey(shall remember those maths sums), Pranay(helped me with the basic concepts)..it seems endless :P

Actually each of my friends - who tolerated my refusals to go out for parties, movies, picnics etc etc..
I did my job but without your interference..oops..i mean support it wouldn't have been possible...LOVE U ALL!! :);):p

Great expectations!!

Firstly this has got nothing to do with a Charles Dickens novel of the same name.
Secondly I don't know whether anything's great about expectations.
And finally i never wanted to write about this expectation thing,it just came out!!

Whats with an expectation?? I ask myself time and again, but there are no answers that satisfy me..

Like any other human being i have plenty of expectations from everybody around me. and yeah, people do expect a lot from me too..but its inevitable that expectations don't get fulfilled and when that occurs its really hurts...very badly!!
at times i feel there's no use expecting from people..lead your own life and let others'lead theirs...fullstop.
Attachment, emotions, staying in touch with each other..seems so obsolete naa..after all who cares..

"there's so much happening in my life..who am i to bother about others"...
"you'd never understand what i'm facing right now..its not as simple as u think it is"
"i forgot your birthday..c'mon thats not the only thing i've got to remember"...blah, blah, blah

These are some of the things i've gotten used to now...well..can't say whether i'm sad, disappointed or plain angry to be penning it all...maybe its a mixture of everything!!
I never imagined life would take such a twist once i grow up..
just yesterday it seems all was so well..
Maybe i'd been expecting more than the others could handle..
i guess i should reconsider my expectations now..its high time..
enough of being made to look like a fool..

"well done...so where's the party?"
"you were sick..kya yaar bataya bhi nahi tune?"
"you people are special..how'd u even think that i'd forget you.."etc etc etc

Whats with these expectations??..i'll never understand..

Scribble...

This isnt a poem nor a story..there's no proper structuring just plain feelings direct on paper!!! :) :)

In the middle of the night,
more than two decades ago,
a child's cries shattered
the quietude of the surroundings..
it was a simple indication
of the many sleepless nights u were gonna endure..
Yet Never for a moment
did u leave the child alone,
to hold her close was like a dream come true,
she was the most precious part of you
Over the years you bestowed love n care,
your unspoken appreciation worked wonders,
every achievement made your heart swell with pride,
the satisfaction on your face said it all
you were forever eloquent with your praise,
your criticism was always welcome
your faith and belief weaved magic
all your encouraging words shall never get erased..

I owe u such a lot dear ma n pa..
that words seem to fail me...
yet i try expressing something
through this trivial verse in my way...
your unconditional love just makes me feel
more and more blessed every single day!!

Radhika
18.8.08

Fit again...

15th Aug 08
Ah...such a dreadful day...couldnt enjoy India's independence.for here i was fighting my own bacteria and viruses!! :(
i woke up with a terrible stomach ache...the poor throat was already suffering...
tried to tackle the throat first so drank a glass of hot milk...alas! the stomach had got worse..out it all came..
i guess my entire GIT had got infected...my family physician was on a holiday so all i did was wait(decided against any of the self medications)..;)
by the afternoon my pulse was racing...i caught hold of the thermometer...it showed a reading of 100..damn!!
aai and papa were worried.papa kept on mentioning - such a weak immunity you have, cant you take care...yeah so my defence mechanism wasnt functioning properly..but i knew everything was going to be right soon...
till night all i had was half a glass of pomegranate juice and an apple..wow..
and then i fell asleep!!!

16th Aug 08
yesterday's gone..i'm feeling like myself again..all hale and hearty..my immunity's fine...there's a bit of the weariness but its gonna disappear soon..
its rakhi today...akshu' wanting me to tie on the rakhi since morning...
will do that too..got to get a bit ready(hehe)
time to celebrate...
bbye to all those viruses and bacteria...thanx for visiting...but mind it i dont want you again...not for some time now!!!